I recently made a petition for another dog.
This dog isn’t for me but for Baaj. I only have Baaj’s best interest at heart. He’s b.o.r.e.d. and lonely and I worry about him.
Not only was my petition was flatly denied but I was also informed that we are never ever ever getting another dog. There was no mention in the ruling about other playmates so I’m surmising that we can get Baaj a friend as long as it is not another dog. I’ve spent days scouring the internet for Baaj’s perfect partner.
Here’s the document I’ll be presenting at the next regularly scheduled “Animal Welfare In The Igloo: Progress & Strategies” meeting. You’ll notice that cats aren’t listed simply due to the fact that cats are the only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible* and we all know what that means**.
In order of importance:
5. Pot Bellied Pig
Pros: So cute!!
Cons: It might be considered insensitive to continue to cook and consume bacon.
4. Little Hedgehog
Pros: They fit in your hand. Imagine all the peoples of the world each holding one – this could bring about world peace.
Cons: Baaj has a sensitive nose. Those quills look dangerous.
3. Pygmy Hippo
Pros: I’d get a little bathtub for the living room – waaaaay better than an aquarium.
Cons: Scat. The scattering of the scat. Copious amounts of hippo scat.
2. Flemish Rabbit
Pros: Look at those ears.
Cons: It’s bigger than Baaj – he might develop an inferiority complex?
1. PANDA COW
Pros: It’s a PANDA + a COW.
Cons: What? Aren’t you paying attention? It’s a PANDA + a COW. There are no cons.
Who else wants one? Maybe we could get a deal – a bulk discount?
*Mostly true. True-ish. Lions are mentioned though – but I don’t think a lion would thrive in our climate.
**I have no idea what that means – but just look at the state of my life, I better not take any chances. I’m kidding. It’s a joke. I’m joking. Mostly.