Top 10 Ways To Tell Your Life Has Experienced A Slight Traumatic Transformation

Published January 30, 2013 by inanortherntown

1. You read this article “Walk Like A Penguin” for serious tips and your first thought ISN’T “Wow, the writers at The Onion are getting funnier.”
Walk On Ice

2. Your pep talk to your daughter: “Yes, I know it’s cold and dark but you love going to school PLUS the days are getting lighter and spring is coming and pretty soon you won’t need to dress like a snowman. We are going to love living here.” is made null and void by promptly bursting into tears at your husband’s announcement it’s -32 and the temperature is expected to continue to drop.

3. It’s perfectly acceptable to compare your dry irritated skin with strangers in the drugstore. “Do you have dry, itchy, irritated skin AND it’s bleeding?” For the record, 4 out of 5 strangers recommend Lubriderm Intense Skin Repair for your northern winter skin needs.

4. You are pleased to observe you can cancel your facial microdermabrasion appointment as the bitter wind has peeled all the skin off your face. Winning!

5. You can watch saucy videos in public with absolutely no shame (totally SFW).

6. “Your blue feet perfectly match your beautiful eyes” is a compliment you’ll cherish for days.

7. You are amused to observe that it’s so cold the gangsters have pulled up their pants.

8. You have legitimate reasons for spending hours on Etsy looking for a super cute toque and scarf.

9. Staying inside for days on end & shuffling around the house like a recluse? Simply character development for the book you’ve always wanted to write – no need to worry.

10. You continue to invent new and exciting breakfast recipes that will support the Canadian Wheat Board. Patriotism at its finest!

Breakfast

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8 comments on “Top 10 Ways To Tell Your Life Has Experienced A Slight Traumatic Transformation

  • Lizard skin…yep, must be winter, and you said, “toque”, which I’m sure is part of some coded Canadian language.
    Seriously, CBC aired some story about it being too cold for guns in Canada. Huh?
    Forget that. Let’s go to Timmy’s for coffee, eh.

  • Spring will come…………. at least the records show it did last year, and also the year before…. but then winter will come again toooo…….. vicious cycle isn’t it…… I guess that depends of the length of each and the beauty each season brings.

  • Uggh! As i was reading this i was on the verge of sobbing for you; of course it helps that i woke up this morning all moody and menopausal. Your saving grace is that you moved to the land where Hell hath already frozen over and have every reason to be unravelling. i, on the other hand am still in balmy southern BC, am sitting at a desk with a space hearter happily whirring away at my feet and have absolutely NO EXCUSE whatsoever…

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