I used to think that I had the smartest car in the world. Harken back to a time when I lived in a temperate rain forest and frolicked in green parks filled with gigantic evergreen trees – an almost mythical place filled with bountiful coffee shops, delicious sushi bars and cheap pedicure salons. Sob.
Anyway, back when I drove the golden streets of the magical kingdom, two or three times a year an extreme weather warning was issued for the temperatures would dip dangerously low to zero degrees, my smart and brave car would gently notify me that I might encounter “Possible Icy Roads”. “What a miracle of modern technology” I would say to myself, “a vehicle that really cares about my family’s wellbeing.”
Now that I have been banished to the frozen tundra, I know better. This car is pure evil and will take every opportunity to mock me mercilessly.
The first time I drove here and a “Possible Icy Roads” warning was issued – I snorted ironically. “Possible Icy Roads”? Really? What gave it away? The sheets of pure ice masquerading as roads? The fact that I am reading articles like “Walk Like A Penguin“?
Still the car continued on its daily quest to shake my sanity. When I started the car, the warning would appear; then it started appearing when I would try to turn left – the warning would appear AND the back end of the car would decide to go in another direction. Now it just randomly appears: driving, attempting to turn left, waiting at traffic lights, and recently when I’ve been sitting on the couch, I can feel the car taunting me from the garage.
“Possible Icy Roads” – bring it. It’s going to take more than that to unhinge me.