I recently made a petition for another dog.
This dog isn’t for me but for Baaj. I only have Baaj’s best interest at heart. He’s b.o.r.e.d. and lonely and I worry about him.
Not only was my petition was flatly denied but I was also informed that we are never ever ever getting another dog. There was no mention in the ruling about other playmates so I’m surmising that we can get Baaj a friend as long as it is not another dog. I’ve spent days scouring the internet for Baaj’s perfect partner.
Here’s the document I’ll be presenting at the next regularly scheduled “Animal Welfare In The Igloo: Progress & Strategies” meeting. You’ll notice that cats aren’t listed simply due to the fact that cats are the only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible* and we all know what that means**.
In order of importance:
5. Pot Bellied Pig
Pros: So cute!!
Cons: It might be considered insensitive to continue to cook and consume bacon.
4. Little Hedgehog
Pros: They fit in your hand. Imagine all the peoples of the world each holding one – this could bring about world peace.
Cons: Baaj has a sensitive nose. Those quills look dangerous.
3. Pygmy Hippo
Pros: I’d get a little bathtub for the living room – waaaaay better than an aquarium.
Cons: Scat. The scattering of the scat. Copious amounts of hippo scat.
2. Flemish Rabbit
Pros: Look at those ears.
Cons: It’s bigger than Baaj – he might develop an inferiority complex?
1. PANDA COW
Pros: It’s a PANDA + a COW.
Cons: What? Aren’t you paying attention? It’s a PANDA + a COW. There are no cons.
Who else wants one? Maybe we could get a deal – a bulk discount?
*Mostly true. True-ish. Lions are mentioned though – but I don’t think a lion would thrive in our climate.
**I have no idea what that means – but just look at the state of my life, I better not take any chances. I’m kidding. It’s a joke. I’m joking. Mostly.
It’s winter in Alberta
And the gentle breezes blow,
50 miles per hour at 10 degrees below!
Oh, how I love the frozen tundra
When the snow’s up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
You may think I’m a fool.
I could never leave Alberta,
Cause I’m frozen to the stool.
PS: Knock it off with your pictures of spring crocuses already.
Thanks to Michelle for sending this along!
Baaj has a new game – he wants to go outside on the deck and have you throw a snowball – then he digs all through the snow trying to find it. Crazy dog.
This afternoon, he ventured off the deck and climbed up a 3ft snow bank and then got “stuck”. He was walking back forth trying to find a way to get down.
Never fear Baaj – here comes Search & Rescue:
There she goes
Down she goes
There were impassioned pleas for help:
It was too bad that I was firmly behind locked doors, drinking coffee and laughing my head off. If only I had heard her cries for help 🙂
It was the best hour of my life.
My neighbour just told me to check my sump pump to make sure it’s working because “when it thaws, it thaws fast”. I don’t know what a sump pump is, where it would be located and how to know if it works. *fingers crossed*
Pecora Nera gave me the best news of the day: Apparently snowmen will help prevent flooding! Thanks BBC!!!
I have enough snow for a complete Calvin & Hobbes montage:
Note to self: When writing about vehicular mishaps, it would be best if I notified the co-owner of the car before I hit send 🙂
Some great blog posts I read this week:
1. Her water is cut off because her neighbours didn’t pay their bills!!!
2. Raven Bacon
3. Do you have an extra 5+ hours to spend staring at this map?
A new assignment came home this week – I heard about it as soon as the car door opened. “MOM, I HAVE to make a math game for the GRADE ONE’s!!!!” She was shaking with outrage.
“Why?” I asked. I always forget that I need to ask very specific and very direct questions. All I really wanted to know was how much of her grade would be wrapped up in the assignment. However this was the question she was looking to answer. “I KNOW!! Can you believe it? They* are just so cheap and won’t buy the Grade One’s any games!!” The fury was palpable.
Apparently the assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to build a single circuit math game to finish the chapter on electricity for Grade 5 Science. The last hour of the day had been spent in quiet work sketching out the idea for the game. I would show you her sketch however I do believe it’s my ticket to fame and riches so elaborate a design and so clever in execution.
On the drive home, a cunning plan was hatched:
1. Talk to Dad to see how much time he can spend on the assignment.
2. Make a phone call to her beloved uncle who cleverly “KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT COMPUTERS”.
Thankfully, her uncle talked her down from building a computerized advanced level math game (apparently it takes longer than 2 weeks to build one and the assignment can’t be late). Also, very thankfully, she re-worked the design with her Dad to come up with an acceptable model of single circuit math game. She did mourn the loss of the “fun element” in this pared down version. My suggestion of each child receiving a shock for every wrong answer was deemed “Not Helpful”.
This girl of mine fills me with delight. The longer I think about her sitting at her desk growing more and more outraged by the idea that Grade 5’s would build games for the younger grades as an approved cost saving measure, the funnier it becomes. I am so thankful that her generous heart is larger than her sense of injustice, otherwise she would have designed and built a weapon of math destruction and mailed it to them*.
*They/Them – we are unsure as to WHO they are – it’s a working theory that they are direct descendants of the “Child Catcher” from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
**Oh! And to answer my own question: No, most assuredly I am NOT smarter than a 5th Grader. I consider my marriage as one the crowning achievements of my life. Not only can Mr. Northern-Town do anything he puts his mind to doing – he also comes from a family with more than their fair share of the “smarts”.